1. At first glance he may look like your average elf: probably from a small town, nice parents, good education.
2. Sure, he’s a bit strange.
3. But nonetheless harmless, right??
5. It all started when a couple of Barbies denied Elf on the Shelf’s Christmas offering.
6. The rejection stung and the once jolly Christmas elf was left with nothing but a deep, unguided anger.
7. He became reclusive — spending most of his time alone, drinking and chain-smoking, wondering about his real purpose on Earth.
8. It wasn’t long before his behavior began to spiral out of control.
9. Every night was a new blackout, a new horror.
10. Things he once loved turned into things he hated.
11. Run-ins with the law were frequent occurences.
12. He became a different person entirely.
13. It was all really just a desperate cry for help.
14. But before anyone could do anything, it was too late.
15. Friendships were severed.
16. Lives were lost.
17. Grandmothers were corrupted.
“F%CK B*TcHeZ, G3T $$$”
18. So this Christmas, make sure to hide yo’ kids.
19. Hide yo’ wife.
20. And hide yo’ husband.