It’s just good sexual karma to give as much as you receive in bed. Plus, studies show that being generous in the bedroom can boost your own arousal. Win-win! That said, performing oral sex isn’t always as riveting as you expect (and usually not as exciting and enticing as the ladies in X-rated clips would lead you to believe). It’s natural for your mind to wander—obviously his does, too. So admit it, you’ve probably had a few of these thoughts while going down on a guy:
1. “Dude, you could’ve trimmed the hedges.” For the guys who do manscape, we can’t thank you enough. The rest of them, come on.
2. “Head, shaft, balls…this is a lot to handle at once.” Sure, pleasing all three parts simultaneously would be ideal…if you were a circus juggler. Whatever, you’ve got this.
3. “I feel sexier than Beyoncé right now.” Being totally in control and knowing that you’re the one putting that ridiculous grin on his face is a huge confidence boost. You’re so hot it’s not even funny.
4. “And there’s the gag reflex.” Add that to the list of things men don’t need to worry about while returning the favor. Yeah, life’s not totally fair.
5. “Uh oh, accidental teeth graze. Should I apologize or keep going?” You know it happened, he knows it happened—let’s all agree not to bring it up unless it happens once (or three times) again.
6. “Time for a break—and some air.” You can only breathe through your nose for so long.
7. “Should I make eye contact?” Is that weird or sexy? Okay, you’ll glance up. Wait, now he’s not looking. Should you wave your hands or something? LOOK DOWN, WE’RE TRYING TO BE SEXY!
8. “I’m getting bored—is it my turn yet?” It feels like you’ve been going at it for 30 minutes. Realistically, it’s probably more like 10…or five. Is there a universally accepted time frame for oral? You should Google that…
9. “Save me, I think I just swallowed a hair.” THIS is why manscaping is appreciated! Okay, okay, it didn’t taste weird or contain any trans fat, but that just killed your appetite for the next 24 hours (maybe longer).
10. “I’m seriously awesome at this.” The moaning, the heavy breathing, the quivering thighs…yep, nailing it.
11. “Time to try that thing I read about.” He’s enjoying himself, you’re enjoying yourself—seems like a good time to go for it! All right, fingers crossed this is sexy and pleasurable, not awkward and confusing.
12. “Oh, no…lockjaw, hand cramp, ow, ow, ow!” It’s like you ran a marathon with your mouth, and it hurts.
13. “He better warn me before he finishes.” Hey, you like surprises—birthdays, engagements, finding $20 in your jeans—but you’re going to want some sort of signal before the happy ending. Because manners.
All gifs courtesy of